Doxology

by sarahmfry, December 13, 2019
Written in 2007


Sitting on the floor in my room, over our corn chowder and fruit picnic. Hands clasped with my sick 3-year old. Singing the Doxology as the prayer of thanksgiving for our meal.

Her body is thin and weak - her eyes sunken and dark from almost constant sicknesses that her body has been fighting for months. But her eyes are closed and she sings the doxology in the strongest little voice she can muster.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him, all creatures here below!
Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Hosts!
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost!
Amen!

And the tears come. God is good. All the time. In sickness, in health. In times of exhaustion and energy. He changes not.

Our blocks creations are spectacular - a castle, a highway, a city skyline topped with half-grapes. We watch pieces of online Sunday night services together. We try to nourish her body and let it heal.

And I desperately wish that my love could protect her. But I know that it can only buffer.

And I admit that my fear for her health nags me. I know first hand that the phrase "God will work it out" does not always mean health, wealth and rest. And watching children suffer is a very difficult thing to understand, indeed.

Just the other day, my high school students shared some of their own fears. The things that challenge them in their Faith and Trust. But things haven't "worked out all right" for all of them, either.

So we talked about it...what exactly is it that we're trusting in? That things will turn out allright? No - certainly not in this life. Most of us have seen enough that we should understand that. For peace in the storm? Not always. Sometimes the storm so surrounds us that we must patiently wait for peace.

We dare not trust that God honors those He loves by dumping benevolent happiness and health upon us in direct proportion to our holy performance. Because when those good things are taken, our faith crumbles beneath us.

We must trust something deeper, stronger - Eternal. My faith. My joy. The rock of my life - is grounded upon the fact that God is who He Is. He is good. He is love. And that cannot change.

I do not believe this is a concept that you can understand without fire. When the good things are still piled around you, or you've never walked through fire with someone dear, it's very easy to still trust in the good things. Instead of the Good God.

And when that rock is established. And as my spiritual muscle builds through the trying of my faith. Then I am free to enjoy the blessings that he does pour out in unspeakable abundance.

The fluffy falling snow. The dew on the flowers. The brilliance of the sunset. The softness of my babies. The companionship of my lover. Because my faith is not based upon these things. Not based upon a God who guarantees any of these things in this life.

But upon a God who guarantees that He will be to me....I am that I am. The eternal, unchangeable God who is Love.

God is life. Everything else is details.
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