He fills the longing soul with good things. Ps. 107:9



Salutation to the Dawn

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence:
The bliss of growth
The glory of action
The splendor of beauty
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore to this day!
Such is the salutation to the dawn.

- Kalidasa, Indian Poet 


To Love...

This has long been one of my favorite quotes, but I had forgotten about it until I heard it quoted in an audiobook I'm listening to.  It's the kind of quote that applies differently in different stages of life, but has so much live truth in it, it always applies somehow.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. 
Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. 
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. 
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. 
Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. 
But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. 
It will not be broken; 
                it will become unbreakable, 
To love is to be vulnerable.”


God’s Heart


I laugh until l have to wipe away tears as I watch my jolly 2-year-old.  He is yanking and tugging, trying to prove to me that his big brother’s pants fit him.  When he gets them pulled up almost to his neck, he holds them with both hands – baby eyes sparkling blue – and says…”See?!”

And I laugh and cry and know that there is no way that God doesn’t find joy in watching that big-boy baby and his antics, too. 

I’m not sure why this particular craziness reminds me so much of God’s heart for me.  But it does.  I know he’s silly and immature for wearing his big brother’s clothes.  He scurries through the kitchen towards the back door – desperately trying to not be left behind by his older siblings.  For some reason when he dresses himself in a hurry he usually grabs his 6-yr-old brother’s clothes.  Most of the time they are on backwards or inside out.  But he’s happy and proud and ready to go out and take on the world.  (I’m just thankful he’s dressed!  Other days he just scurries out in his Thomas the Tank Engine underwear if he can sneak it past me.)

I guess it just reminds me that God sees my silliness.  He sees me scurrying and learning and failing and growing.  And yet – somehow - He doesn’t feel impatient with me. 

I don’t say to my 2-yr-old…”Get back in there and take those big clothes off!  You look ridiculous!  How many times to I have to tell you that your clothes drawers are on the LEFT and Caiden’s are on the RIGHT?!  Don’t let it happen again!”  No.  I sit and watch him and love him till my heart hurts.  And I teach him.  In time.

And I’m just so thoroughly grateful that God treats me – and loves me - that same way. 

Sometimes our visions of controlled perfection and flawless holiness cause us to live in a constant state of mild, subconscious defeat.  We start actually believing that if we worked hard enough and got it all together enough for long enough that we could somehow earn our holiness.  The Greek word for that is hogwash.  It took me a long, long time to learn that. 

Too long.

Then I really found grace. 

And I had children.  And I started realizing what it feels like to love a child.  And His love started sinking into deeper layers than it had before. 

I am blessed with an absolutely amazing earthly father who loves me in an excellent way.  But my Abba’s love and patience for me are beyond what I can even understand.  I’m trying to get my head and my heart around it.   I wish I knew His heart better. 

But I know one thing.  I can trust His heart.  I can trust His Abba love for me.  He’s gonna train me and grow me up for as long as I’ll listen.  Even if I put my clothes on backwards.

Kayla, Karissa, Caiden and Corin
(Written in 2012)

Jeremiah 31: 3b-4
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
I will build you up again and you….will take up your tambourines

and go out to dance with the joyful.” 

Summer daybook

::Outside My Window::
It's a bright, meltingly-hot day.  The kind of day that makes it absolutely necessary to be floating in a crystal-clear pool in one of those floaties with the cupholders, reading a book.  Wait. This is supposed to be about what's outside my window.  Nevermind.


::I am Listening to ::
Beautiful almost-silence as the family reads and sleeps, and the departure of a noisy motorcycle outside

::I am Thankful For::
a friend's heart-strengthening words this afternoon

::I am Pondering ::
My bravery.  Wondering if I'm brave enough to do some of the things on my heart.
Kind fierce brave spirit courage quote saying poem | Quote's i Like ...

:: I am Remembering ::
 The lake at Grandma Parson's house at the end of her street in Overland Park, Kansas.  The memory of this place has made a rut in my brain that I cannot comprehend. And I do not have the energy for the words it would take to do it justice right now.

:: I am looking forward to/Dreaming of ::
 paying this house off as fast as possible

:: Some of what I've been reading::

 Switch On Your Brain - by Dr. Caroline Leaf

No matter how much I study the human brain, I cannot get enough of it.  It is absolutely spectacular.  And the more they learn about the mind and the brain, the more it proves that science is catching up with the Bible.  Awesome stuff, if you like that kind of thing.

::From the Kitchen::
 We've been "tasting the world."  This week, we had Thai and Indian.  I fix something easy and simple that has at least something of a foreign flavor.  We look up the country on the globe (which sits as a centerpiece.)  Then we listen to a bit of the music of that country on my phone and talk a little about the country.  Sometimes children cry because they are scared that the food will be yucky.  When really, it's just flavorful chicken and rice or noodles.  And because they are tired. 

I officially want to go to Thailand. Right here:
Luxotic World: Top 5 Tips For Luxury Travel in Phuket, Thailand

::I am Thinking::
 About how much I love curry.  And how good Deanna's curry is.  And how much I miss eating Indian with her in Ireland.  And how desperately I want to be with her in her new home in Scotland right now.

::I am Creating::
 Window Baskets! For my garage.  So that when I look out my kitchen window and the paint-peeling garage-turned-dog-kennels, I will see flourishing beauty and cascading sweet pea vines.  I finally found a store that carried replacement Coco liners for my window baskets. (Thank you, Menards.)  I have been buying up half price, half dead flowers and hoping for a miracle.  If you know me and my black thumbs you are laughing and shaking your head right now.  But that's okay.  Haters gonna hate. 

:: Towards raising hungry learners::
 Spanish!  My kids are finally consistently doing Rosetta Stone Spanish this summer and it gives me a little happy rush every time I walk past and see them doing their Spanish time. (We just added it to their regular summer chores.)  No habla espanol?  No watcha da screens.

::Towards Rhythm and Beauty::
 I'm struggling in the rhythm department.  Even though we have summer routines and checklists, I don't feel like my groove is as productive and life-changing as I would dream.  I just rolled my eyes at myself. I think I have identified the problem:  too many things at once.  I'm especially proud of myself for identifying that, because I've only struggled with it for like THREE DECADES!  Moving right along.  Blogging is one of the 5 million things I'm trying to work on finding in my rhythm.  Sunday is blogging day.  Whatever.

::To Live the Life ::
I just sighed really big.  I think because *see above*.  I expect too much, then forget that simple is best.  God is doing some deep, deep stuff in me.  He's up to His elbows in my humanity.  I'm at the point I just want to ask Him to get it over with already or let me go to heaven, but then that's not exactly how I should probably say it.  So I'll say this:

"Each time this purging cleanses deeper, I'm not sure that I'll survive
Yet the strength in growing weaker keeps my hungry soul alive."

::I am Hoping and Praying::
 For a camper.  Well.  Mostly hoping.  We've set some aggressive financial goals, and a camper is waaaaay down on the list.  So far down, in fact, that you can't even see it on David's list with a magnifying glass!  So I thought I might just pray that someone would accidentally put one on craigslist for $5.00 and we could buy it real quick. 

 :: In the Garden::
 My mama made some beautiful for me.  She has green thumbs.  Lots of them.  And I love it every time I see it.  

 ::Around the House::
 Karissa has been painting for me for her summer job.  Paint is amazing.  

 ::One of My Favorite Things::
 Iced mocha.  Not deep and eternal, but true.

::The Kids::
 They're the best thing about me, no doubt about it. God is teaching me how to get out of the way and let them be who He made them.  And to stay in the way in the right ways.  But mostly, to stay out of the way.  It's a weird thing I never anticipated in motherhood.

:: The Man of the House ::
 He is reading.  Shocker.  He is preparing for a big strategic planning meeting tomorrow with the Ministerial Association of our town, of which he is the president (that's not his title, but I can't remember what it is.)

::A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week::
Another deep breath.  Prepare for women's meetings in Alabama.  Pack for Alabama camp and  Band Camp (back-to-back-and-overlapping). Sell and get rid of the last litter of puppies.  Etc., etc. etc. and please bring me coffee.

:: Love this Quote! ::

:: A Picture from our world::
Okay. So I am, at the moment, TOTALLY FREAKED OUT because I cannot view the thumbnails for any of the thousands of pictures on my computer.  I recently had some bad viruses and my computer spent some time in the PC hospital.  So I hope whatever is wrong isn't permanent.  Or I will cry.  And wail.  And bash my head.  

So....I randomly clicked on a random picture (which I could not view) and this is what came up.  I kinda like it.  It's Christian eating an apple (as usual) while the kids did crafts on the front porch this summer. 


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