Well..tomorrow is the first full day of the 2012/13 school year. It's been awhile since I've got this whole crew up at 6:30 am and pressed and combed and fed and out the door by 7:30.
School clothes are ironed - socks and shoes and undies laid out. Breakfast is on the table. Five lunchboxes are sitting out in a row - lunches made (Corin stays home but he doesn't like to be left out.) My schedule is typed out in time slots, with my 3 MIP's (most important tasks) identified for the day. The kids got to bed bed before 9 and are sleeping soundly.
I think I'm ready to take on the day tomorrow. But still...I feel like crying. And....nervous? Why in the world do I feel nervous. What's scary about laundry and cleaning and paying bills and cooking meals and running errands?
I'm pretty sure I'm scared that I won't accomplish what I need to tomorrow. That I will fail. (Again) I think my schedule for tomorrow is practical (with margin built in and daily tasks accounted for). But still daunting. I know that one undisciplined stint on the computer will make it impossible to get the day's list done. I know that if I'm nauseous and gaggy (or just plain pregnant) in the morning there's not time to slow down and let it pass...I'll have to push on through. I know that even if I work constantly and a miracle happens and I keep that stupid schedule perfectly - it still won't all be done tomorrow night. There will still be areas of little-house/big family-chaos that I'm trying to tame and lego to be picked up and little people with attitude problems. And tomorrow night I'll need to iron uniforms and pack lunches again. I'm not complaining - just emptying my mommy brain out loud and letting you listen in.
In short, I guess I feel overwhelmed with tomorrow already. Kinda dumb, huh? Talk about a waste of energy.
The only good thing about it is it makes my spirit cry out in silent prayer as I buzz around trying to pre-empt any morning chaos. "Abba - Please just help me to be what you want of me!"
I know I won't keep that schedule perfectly or be completely disciplined tomorrow. I know that I'm already behind cuz this body needs 9 hours of sleep and I'm already a bit past the necessary bedtime for 8 hours.
But I'm reminded of one of the most wonderful thoughts...I will never have more to do in a day than what Abba wants me to do in that day. He won't ask of me any more than I can do.
I'm very happy that my kids love school. I"m very happy for the first week of this year's routine. I'm done dumping my brain and I'm going to bed, praying that God will order my minutes and hours tomorrow. And reminding myself to drink my water, take my vitamins, and choose joy.