change?

My mind and heart are busy tonight with what I suspect and hope God is doing in me.

It's about something I do not like about myself.  Something that holds me back.  And I think He's pushing me out of my comfort zone, making me rather miserable, and peeling back another layer of me in order to rebuild.


At least I pray that's what's going on.  Otherwise, I'm just miserable and confused for absolutely no reason. And that's just depressing.

I simply don't have the courage to tell you right now what God is changing in me.  How He's growing me up.  So I guess your imaginations will just run rampant with all of the wicked wildness that Sarah Wolf Fry might be harboring within her secret soul.  Imagine away.  It's really rather boring and normal compared to all of that, I assure you.

(And just for the record, I am not feeling depressed.  Nor am I miserable in general.  I refer to a specific - and hopefully productive - misery.)

But I am choosing tonight to remember some of the other recent changes He's made in me of late.....and I have hope.  Hope that this "tunnel of confusion" is leading me to a new understanding and new strength about myself and how I work in His world.  (These "other recent changes" I've referred to involve my journey of weight loss & fitness.  I am currently working up the courage to talk out loud about it. Or maybe not. I'm feeling rather chicken-ish.)

So I'm reading good books and talking to wise people and praying that I will move forward and upward. 

I'll end this cryptic message with something we once heard the Reverend Leonard Sankey say that seems simply perfect for where I am just now.

"You'll never change anything that you are willing to tolerate."

"Dear Abba, please make this misery productive.  Peel back my layers.  Make me unwilling to tolerate anything that holds me back from what You want for me. And in your merciful wisdom, please help me to grow up as quickly as possible!"

Comments

Brenda said…
Loved this post, the fitting pictures, and your sincere honesty. :-)
Melanie C. said…
Thank you for sharing so many thoughts, concerns and funny moments with 'us followers'...it shows me that even when we have a hundred kids underfoot(not that many? feels like it sometimes..!j/k) that we CAN still take time with God and grow in Him.
Carrie said…
I'm there. I told a friend a month or so ago that it was one of the most spiritually painful summers I've had--the pulling, the stretching, the adjustments. God has urged me through it and I'm free--from myself!

I don't ever want to stop the growing process, painful though it may be (but I can't imagine that it's any less painful for my tulip bulbs. Every. Single. Spring.) There's so much anticipation and fear that God is preparing me for something He has picked out just for me!

Thanks for sharing. You're not alone!
Laura said…
Always nice to be reminded that we are not alone in this process of peeling... thanks for sharing your heart.
Kimberly said…
just in case you don't know these Sara Groves lyrics, check them out! this song has really ministered to me this year through a lot of heart changes...

(http://www.saragroves.com/lyrics/addtothebeauty/somethingchanged/)

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