But those things will have to wait. This morning my heart is heavy with perspective. I am still a bit breathless, and waiting for the heavy feeling to lift, leaving behind a sharpened view and purposed pace.
Perhaps what happened this morning was poignant to me because heaven is so fresh and real to us right now. And just this morning during my run, I had to surreneder my fears to God once again, trusting His absolute goodness and mercy and power. Praying a wall of protection around my children. Asking for only those trials in life that are of the divine will of my Abba, for His loving purposes.
I came home and went about my day. Kayla is home sick today, and while she was in the bath, I thought I might run out and feed the dogs. Our family all has had a very intense respect for water since my 3-year-old cousin drowned. I am so careful, I have had to realize that it's okay for an 8-year-old to take a bath without me being there. Corin (13 months) was playing along the side of the tub, begging to get in as usual. I decided to go into the next room and make my bed. While I was in my room, I heard a gasp from Kayla. Corin had flipped over head-first into the tub. Kayla grabbed him up real quick and set him on her lap, but I rushed in to find a soaked, gasping, terrified baby.
In a moment, I was arrested by the joy that he was okay and the fear of what could have happened if I would have gone out to feed the dogs or if it had been Caiden (4) alone in the tub when Corin fell in - even if I had been close. Corin relaxed into smiles quickly, and I just sat in the bathroom holding him and cried.
I am also overwhelmed by what my cousins, Burl & Peggy, are going through today. Their son Darryl died of leukemia the same week Gramma Parsons died. On the way to their own son's funeral on a rainy day, a jackknifed truck slammed into their car and put them in the hospital. They had to cancel their son's funeral. Peggy's ribs were broken and their daughter JoAnn was also hospitalized. Peggy is still in bed recovering. And now Burl's mom (my Aunt Virginia - Dad's only sister) is deathly ill. She has stopped taking the medications which were keeping her.
It's just unspeakable. Takes my breath away. But not my faith. I don't doubt that God is good and He is in control and He loves them desperately.
And had my morning turned out unimaginably differently, he would still be Love. He would still be Good.
So it's okay that my freezer is broken and I have to cook all the meat today. It's okay that Corin seems to have a problem with milk and is fussy and we may have to find an alternative. It's a blessing to have my girl home sick, sleeping in my bed. And it's even okay that we had to evict our criminal renter and that today is my bills & budget day.
Heaven is so very real.
And so are my laundry and my checkbook.
So.....on I go with that sharpened view and purposed pace!
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love.He will rejoice over you with singing."Zephaniah 3:17