From the Shelf: The Rest of God
Loved this book! I finished it a couple of months ago or so, but haven't blogged about it, ironically. Because of schedule. Back-to-back, never done, always behind schedule.
Last night I stayed up, got out schedules, considered options, and regretfully said no to another wedding shoot and speaking engagement. Two things I love to do. But I've been saying no lately. A lot.
I've been saying no because I have to. I'm embarrassed sometimes that I can't handle more. Feel I should be able to do it all. Spent my Monday Desk Day yesterday...at my desk! Working like a madwoman to get budget, bills, transfers, orders, papers, Christmas list in order. And at the end of the day, wondering why life takes so long. Am I not efficient with my time? How could I move through the daily more quickly?
Or should the question be: How could I move through my day more slowly?
I'm intensely interested in efficient home scheduling. Too much time wasted, I repeatedly return to the rhythm of my schedule to come up for air and breathe again. But the concept of Margin is a life-long quest for me now. Has been for some years. I am a master of fitting it all on one page. I can use a .5 margin and change a font and adjust text to Fit.It.All.In
But sometimes all isn't better. I long for space in my day, my closets, my brain. Freedom from the always overflow of life. I am longing to linger.
Lately, I've found myself agonizing and grieving over multiple emails and responses that sit unanswered while I scurry to change diapers, do laundry, pay bills, do dishes. Then in embarrassed tardiness, I answer the poor waiting souls with a frenzy of apology, explanation, excuse..... All true.
But I've been longing for the fragrance of me to be more quiet. More gentle, relaxed. Unrushed. Unapologetic.
But it seems that requires either:
Being more together than I could possibly ever muster.
And so no it is. But I'm realizing that "no" alone will not solve my problem of rush. It is a matter of the spirit, the mind. It is a philosophy of living. Frankly, I haven't figured it all out, the unrushed life. It is still a mystery to me.
I do enjoy the everyday. Savor the small. But I am oh-so-quick to let life choke me again.
The world will go on without me. But I alone set the tone for this home.
This book is at once beautiful and powerful. The title is doubled with meaning. If you dare take the time to curl up with a book (I used spots of time during newborn feedings), this is one I recommend.
"Lord, quiet me with your eternal time. Help me to choose wisely my daily tasks. Choose me to protect strongly my time with you. Help my fragrance to be calm and sweet, not rushed and frantic. Help me, somehow, to manage this overflowing life you have given me with grace and rest. Teach me, Lord, to find The Rest of God. Amen."