He fills the longing soul with good things. Ps. 107:9

.

.

I'm still here

.....I hate to admit it, but I guess I've been in a bit of survival mode for awhile. I'll spare you the gory details, but life has just been coming at me faster than I can bat it back. If' you've never been there, I wanna move wherever it is you live.

But I was just talking with my friend about wanting to know "Why" when life bats you a bunch of curve balls. There's just something about knowing the purpose - what in the world is going on - that helps me survive better and bat a little quicker.

If it's an attack from the enemy: I get mad. I'm ready to fight back and black some eyes. And I'm encouraged that there's a reason to bother with fighting me. Must be doing something right.

If it's a spiritual toughening time: I'm ready to learn the lessons at hand and move on (as if it works that way). I'm encouraged that the Lord would take the time to help me grow spiritual muscle.

If it's just life: I can quit trying to figure out what's going on, just chalk it up to The Fall, and brace myself.

But....since no crisis manual came with this particular set of months, I guess I'll just keep standing and being.

I have a fear of people saying of me: "She's always in survival mode. She's always in a crisis." But the truth is, sometimes life brings you a string of nighttimes full of asthma attacks and chronically sick kids and raging fevers and head banging babies and maxed-out marriages all at the same time. And I'm learning that it's okay to be where I am.

I've mentioned before that long-term sleep deprivation is usually a slippery slope to discouragement and depression for me. And I'm bracing myself. But so far the exhaustion has brought mostly frustration rather than depression (that's a lot of shuns). And I'm ever and ever so grateful. And the kid troubles seem to be subsiding into normalness (whatever that is)!

I'm enjoying this moment - with the two little ones miraculously still asleep - to live and not survive. That quiet space before the day hits. I'm resting in his enoughness. I'm remembering my blessings. I'm trying to figure out if there's anything I need to do about that lovely fight my beloved and I just had on his way out of the house.

Let me share an incredible verse my very amazing babysitter and friend (Shelley Carey) sent to me last night after we had a little talk-cry in my kitchen.

"You rule the raging of the sea; when its waves rise, You still them.” ~ Psalm 89:9

Once again, His Word feeds and calms and fills me.

Yep - I'm still here. Just the same as always.


photo: The coast near Donegal, Ireland (Near where Deanna lives)
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15 comments

Stephanie said...

Be encouraged, friend! God is still here - even when (and especially when!) we don't FEEL Him near. I will be praying that God wraps His arms of love around you and gives you strength in place of weariness and peace in place of fears. Love you!

Julie Waggoner said...

Go get rested up and have some fun ALONE time!!! You deserve it! I guarantee you will come back feeling like a new person!
Julie

Charity said...

Hate that flying by the seat of your pants feeling! I'm with you girl! Alone time does sound good, doesn't it?!

Scott and Libby said...

Miss Sarah,

You must have gotten that much needed alone time. The ladies' retreat at Hobe Sound was just anointed. God used you to speak to all of us there. Really enjoyed laughing along with you at Mary's plane trip story. Now that was flying by the seat of her pants:). Thanks again for taking time out of your busy schedule to come and feed us from God's word, the banquet was scrumptious!

Blessings
Libby Sutherland

Tracy said...

Sarah, Just got back from the retreat. You did an excellent job of being God's arms extended today. Everything you said was helpful . From the humorous to the practical to the tears. It was all good.

Now enjoy your own little "retreat" with some time without a million demands.:) Tracy Bowen

Sharlyn said...

I"m reading the comments and I am so jealous that I didn't get to hear you! Just thinking...of YOU!! Take care. Hugs and prayers, Shar

Ronda said...

So glad to see you are back and hanging in there! Life is never really easy, is it? Can you imaginge life without depending on God? Would have loved to hear you speak! Hope your kids are all well now! Keep encouraged...you are a special person!

Jennifer said...

Hi Sarah, You don't know me, but we have met in years past. I just wanted to encourage you to keep holding on! Life in the ministry is hard for everyone at times and we need those little "oasis'" away,even if its in the shower for 15 minutes! Before you panic too bad, remember that making up is half the fun of marriage! GRIN! Hold on to your faith, Love and prayers, one pastor's wife and mother of 1 and expecting another to another wife and mom!!!!

Mary Ellen said...

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah...isn't it funny that I spent less than an hour actually talking to you but I feel like I've known you for a long time!?!?! Lady - may I just say...you were AWESOME this weekened!!!! If I had gone to the retreat and I had been the only one there it would have been worth it to go...your material was soooo rich in content and truth. If they had women speak during the main parts of IHC I'd start a petition to have you be the first one!!!! Same goes for our campmeeting. You truly have a gift and God used you, I have a feeling this is only the beginning for you as a speaker. I've been replaying many of the things you've said over and over again in my head. THANK YOU for taking the time out of your busy life to come down here and share what God laid on your heart. I know you blessed many of us.

And then your singing on Sunday morning...in a word...WOW!!!!

Kuddos to Sherri for bringing her old friend our way and blessing all of our lives in the process. Hope you had a good trip home and that the thought of my "POOP ON THE PLANE" story gave you a chuckle as you flew along. "-)

It was really great to meet you and get to know you a little bit. I hope our paths cross again someday!

Mary Ellen said...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=f0890c96d14965b72135

Copy/paste the link up above to see yourself in action for a few minutes from this past weekend.

That will give anyone else who wasn't there this past weekend a little glimpse into what they missed!

sankey family said...

I'm copying and pasting right now. I didn't even know you were doing this Sarah! I would love to have been able to hear you. Your honesty is, as always, refreshing and encouraging. Love and miss you, Melodie

GodSeeker said...

Oh Sarah, my last month has been the very same way. As if all the pieces of my life got swept up in a tornado and are still swirling above me. Take heart. God knows where you live! And perhaps our "not knowing" how to categorize things is part of our sanctification? Another thing we must let rest with the Father? So easy to say. So difficult to do! Blessings in your running and resting today!!! Love you!

Anonymous said...

Watched the video. You did really great. Loved the crazy deer around the walls of the room. Especially the one right behind you :) Surely some man decorated THAT room! All kidding aside, you have some amazing gifts. I'm sure God will bless your faithfullness in the little things.

Tara said...

Your fear...and my fear....one and the same. I don't want to be perceived as in perpetual crisis either. I must rest in the authenticity of true friendship, and in the faithfulness of the One who knows me best.
I'm jealous of all those Hobe Sounders...glad you had a productive trip.

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