Living With a Three-Year Old

I needed this laugh so much today after work....There are still tears in my eyes. Maybe because I also live with a verbal 3-year-old! When I got home today our babysitter told me some hilarious story about Karissa, the potty, her ballerina outfit and a mirror. Wouldn't trade that crazy kid for a million dollars. Well, maybe just for a day....

Anyway, here's the laugh my friend Andrea sent me:


Three-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.

There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

'Mommy, are you gonna go potty?
Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy?
Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?
Mommy, what are you doing?
Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?'

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe wecould wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued: 'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you?
Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy!
Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty?
Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!
Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere.
Oh! I see dem.
Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!'

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me.Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting.

Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies.
Oh! Mommy!'He started to gag at this point.

'Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up.
Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!

'As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies!
Get up! Get up!' He grunted as he tried to pull me off.

Now I could hear full-blownlaughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.

'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy?
You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at?
Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?'

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now.
We have to go out now, Mommy.'

He started pounding on the door.
'Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands?
I want to go out!!'

I saw that my 'wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where'sthe fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away everybit of my dignity and privacy?'

But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.


(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms.)

Comments

Angie Davis said…
I'm laughing out loud because I've had not one, but TWO similar incidents with Connor over the years. Having people wait because they want to get a look at you when you come out is the worst! :)
Ronda said…
Hilarious story! I loved it! (Kids can humble us so very quickly!) It was so much fun getting to know you and your husband a little better the other night! Hope that you are having a great week!
dorcas said…
Oh my! That is absolutely hilarious. Kids sure say the funniest things. Thanks for the laugh this Wednesday morning!
Bobbie said…
Too funny!!! I was cracking up reading this. Kids have no shame. But they sure can make us proud too. So I guess it's all worth it.
This is priceless. I think most of us have been embarrassed in a public restroom by our kids. This story takes the cake. It sure gave me a laugh!!
Sarah,

Great story. Thanks for sharing. We enjoyed a good laugh.

We just tagged you to participate in a "meme." You can go to our blog to find out what that means.
Catrena said…
I certainly needed the laugh, and laugh I did. Thanks for shaing.
Catrena said…
"sharing", I mean....It's much too late to be reading blogs :)
Sassy said…
I really needed this laugh. I had tears running down my face and my 3-yr-old wondering what was so funny. It reminded me of the time I was in a public restroom and another mom had her child in there using the bathroom. Mom:"Are you done?" Child:(grunting)"No. I have to poopy some more. I need you to sing the potty song." Mom sings..."Are you done?" Child:"No. I need you to sing the potty song again." This happened about 3-4 times. Then the child completed her task and clapped and cheared. I was sitting there laughing thinking "I imagine that mom wishes she would have never started singing that song." :)
Sassy said…
This comment has been removed by the author.

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